There's so many different worlds

So many different suns

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Fic: Talk
Jensen and Cougar
Title: Talk
Pairing: Cougar/Jensen
Rating: R
Summary: It took nine months, but eventually the Energizer Bunny ran out of batteries.
Disclaimer: Not mine, borrowed!
Warnings: Violence, strong language & disturbing imagery. PTSD.
Notes: Follows His, Now I lay me down to sleep, Useful, Better dead, Not even close and Going to ground

They went to Rwanda, Honduras, Iraq, Iran, Nepal, back to Honduras, The Congo, Somalia and again to fucking Honduras. That was in six months. Eight missions with practically zero downtime. Cougar was okay with it – he liked having something to do. Needed something to do.

He was the only one.

Pooch went quietly crazy over Jolene. One letter reached them from an outpost in Germany, and it was obvious that she was closer to calling it off than ever before. Even Jolene had her limits.

Roque, for all that the Losers were his family; blood and sweat and oil, needed his own space or he started to get nasty. Not cranky, nasty. The make your life miserable kind. His target was usually Jensen or Clay, but when he started bitching out to Pooch, they all knew they had a problem.

To begin with, Jensen tried to ease the tension that grew more and more evident by doubling the chatter. He was twice as upbeat and enthusiastic about fucking everything for about seventeen weeks. Then it became clear that he barely had the energy to hold himself together any longer, let alone the rest of the team.

That was Clay’s job. And he did it. Barely.

The jungle again.

Cougar fucking hated the jungle.

“Can’t sleep?” It was past oh-four hundred, and Cougar’s watch. Asking if he couldn’t sleep was stupid, since he was supposed to be awake. Unlike Jensen.

Cougar shook his head anyway. He scooted over to let Jensen sit beside him. They all slept fully dressed, and Jensen twirled a micro-screwdriver in his hand like a tiny baton.

“I thought it would be better by now.” Jensen admitted quietly. “The nightmares, I mean. I thought they’d go away.”

Cougar held his rifle across his chest and his fingers itched with the urge to reach out and take Jensen’s hand. “Bad one?”

Jensen nodded. Eyes that were usually so full of animation were shadowed with dark dreams and darker visions. He looked across their camp, seeing things Cougar had no reference for.

For all that their captors had fucked them both over spectacularly, they’d failed to do the thing that would have broken them.

Even if the outcome had been the same, and eight months down the line they found themselves in another corner of another jungle, if they’d made him watch, Cougar’s mind would never have walked out of that hut.

He liked to think he wouldn’t have broken, that he wouldn’t have told them things he didn’t even know just to make them stop and never lay a fucking finger on Jensen ever again.

If he was honest though, he couldn’t be certain.

They still hadn’t kissed.

Ft Bragg, North Carolina. Depending on the time of year, it was almost as hot and dusty as Iraq. Cougar had spent half his damn life based out of Bragg. It was as much his home as anywhere, and there was just enough he loved about it to override the fact that he absolutely fucking hated living on base, even for a short amount of time.

Mostly based in the town of Fayetteville, Cougar knew every bar worth visiting, and thanks to the colonel and Jensen, had been banned from over half of them.

They were on crossbow rotation for the rest of the month, meaning that despite the long, boring hours of inactivity, none of them could risk hopping on a flight back home for the very real possibility of a coup kicking off in the middle of Ass-fuck, nowhere, and the five of them being shuffled onto the next C-130 out of town.

On top of the last eight months, it left them all fairly cranky.

Roque had taken to hanging out with old Delta buddies. Cougar really didn’t want to know what he got up to.

Jensen occasionally dropped into ‘Swick’ – apparently some of his pre-Losers ops involved a high level of psychological warfare, and he was always welcome as a friendly face around the JFK Special Warfare Center.

Pooch maintained that they’d just sat Jensen on the end of an open channel radio and he’d talked the enemy into submission. Jensen laughed and despite talking just as much as always, didn’t say a damn thing about his time there.

The 82nd Airborne Division were also based at Bragg, and Pooch seemed to know every pilot serving. He’d spend most of his days doing maintenance with members of the 3rd BCT.

In the evenings, they’d regroup and go for a beer in one of the bars Clay and Cougar were still allowed into.

Seven days before they were due to be released from Purgatory, they hustled into a bar filled with young, fit service men and women who all wore the same hairstyle and drank their beers like clones.

He and Jensen got absolutely wasted. They stumbled into their bunk, and Cougar forgot every single reason why they hadn’t so much as kissed in close to a year.

Just that Jensen was there, and Jensen was his, and it didn’t matter that Cougar still felt imaginary hands on him sometimes. Jensen missed him, and he sure as fuck missed Jensen, and he could deal.

He forced down the violence inside his head, made the screaming mute and stripped them both down to their skivvies.

It wasn’t until Cougar was naked that Jensen dropped to his knees and threw up the contents of his stomach onto the moss colored carpet.

He said it was the alcohol.

Cougar pretended to believe him.


Jensen didn’t go back to New Hampshire.

He didn’t go with Cougar to Mexico either.

“Boss?” Cougar was the first back. Clay might not have even left for all he knew. The colonel had a thing going with one of the Delta Intelligence Officers. It would end badly, like all his relationships, but Cougar got the feeling Clay planned on enjoying things while they lasted.

“I’m listening.”

No ‘how was Mexico?’, no ‘you okay?’. Just that.

Thank fucking god for the colonel.

Clay was listening, and Cougar was ready to talk.

He took Jensen out to see a Star Wars marathon at the Cineplex.

Cougar fucking hated Star Wars.

Jensen loved the whole series, even the books.

But he didn’t last ten minutes in the dark theater before he was hyperventilating.

It was funny the things that set you off.

“Talk to me.” Jensen was awake in the middle of the night again, and Cougar was ready to start drugging him.

Jensen talked. Just not about the things he needed to.

The irony of it all stung. Cougar, the silent shadow of the team, ready to get down on his knees and beg someone who never shut up to just fucking talk to them.

It took nine months, but eventually the Energizer Bunny ran out of batteries.

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;_; Poor Cougar. Poor Jensen!

So looking forward to the next part.

They are both very much in need of manly, healing hugs.

Thanks for reading :)

(Deleted comment)
They are caught in a vicious cycle, and it is going to take something big to bump them out of it.

Thanks for reading. More on the way :)

Oh wow, another wonderful chapter.
And not only do I love this story and how it's developing I love how it's structure in the chapters. Sort of broken up and stoccato. And we only see these small moments between them because these are the important scenes.

That single sentence on how they still hadn't kissed. Oh, shivers.

There had better be a lot of comfort for our boys after all this hurt. :)

I think because there is SO much angst here that I am very wary of getting caught up in it, which is why i try keep things short and snappy.Hopefully it is working :)

Thanks so much for reading.

gods I love this story, you say so much with so few words - which fits and hurts like hell, and oh gods can I see the pictures you're building so clearly (which makes my heart go all wibbly and boys! but in a good way of course ^_^) but it is amazingly done and I love the progression and the character voices and - it just, wow
thank you for sharing, i'm loving this and always thrilled to see more!


Everytime read one of these chapters I get all excited and then weepy...

stop making me cry!!

but keep being awesome :D

I like that summary was the last bit in the story. Also, another cliffhanger.

Its sad but I'm glad you having Cougar pushing Jensen now.

So blown away that I honestly don't know what to say.

Think I got my brain under me now. Wow! Poor Cougar, he just wants Jensen to stop pretending nothing happened and talk to him about it. Jensen really does talk a lot about nothing...and he really does need to talk to Cougar about what happened to them, to him. They are way more fucked up than they were before. Awesome chapter in this saga..and it is a saga. I just can't get over how beautifully fucked up they are, and how beautiful, yet disturbing, a story this is. Wonderfully done.

oh no((((

Cougar need to do something((

Oh Jensen! *huggles*

Can't wait for more! I'm so addicted to your series. ^^

ohhh man i just want to hug them, but that would probably make them have flashbacks and puke again. Jensen not being able to do something he loves, like watching Star Wars in a theater is just heartbreaking

Ok these stories are so fucking fantastic. I mean they totally break me into a million pieces and I just want to take Cougar and Jensen home and bake them cookies, but you've done such a good job of making everything seem very VERY real. Can't wait for more

Read this and all the ones you wrote before it after I discovered this little series. I love these two together, they're so messed up and so beautiful. And Jensen talking constantly but never really saying anything... totally heartbreaking.
Can't wait for more!

More More More More More! :) Loving this!

Ah God.... I'm terrified to click the link to the next chapter, and yet, like a junkie, I must.

Oh, boy. I'm thinking this isn't going to be pretty.....

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